This is your older, more experienced, and (hopefully) wiser self. There are a lot of things you're going to learn over the next ten years that will grow you, challenge you, break you down, and test your faith. I want to tell you a few things, but more than anything I want to just reassure you, you will survive.
First. You have acne, big hips and small boobs, and you are incredibly self-conscious. You've just begun healing from your battle with Anorexia and you still struggle to eat "normally" and have a healthy body image. You look at the other girls at your school and are so envious of their slim figures and the cool clothes they're able to wear because of it. You hate going to school and feeling like you stand out so badly, especially since you're so shy and haven't been able to make tons of friends. In fact, you end up calling Mom about once a week to come pick you up early because you can't handle the stress. I know you wake up at 4:45 every morning so you can work out before getting ready for school because you're afraid you'll get fat if you don't workout every day, and that you're usually up until midnight squeezing in extra curricular activities so your boyfriend will think you're cool and then doing all your homework. I know you cry every night when you're saying your prayers because you're so tired and stressed and you don't see a way out, and you also cry every morning when you get up, too, because you just don't know how you're going to make it through the day ahead. I know you think about suicide often. Not like you're actually considering it, but just because you can't help feeling incredibly desperate inside.
Things will get better. Hang in there. You're going to dump that loser boyfriend of yours who's always making you feel unworthy of him, and you're going to feel so good and empowered afterward! You will also eventually grow out of that fierce acne and the awkward-body stage. And you know what? It's also ok if you skip a workout every now and then! You will not get fat. You're going to go to college very far away, and at first it will be difficult because you're so homesick, but then you will make wonderful, lifelong friends and have the greatest time ever! High school is not the end of the line, and in ten years it will not matter that you weren't one of the popular kids.
You're going to make some terrible decisions and they will hurt, but it won't be the end of the world. You'll be ok. You're going to date several more losers... One in particular who will make you feel bad about yourself, make you question your beliefs, and even become possessive and controlling and violent. Don't let him get to you. You don't need him bringing that kind of negativity and harmfulness into your life! Hold out for someone who is going to care about you. (And you will find him, and he will be worth the wait.)
Don't look for a guy to give you your sense of self-worth. Even when you're single, you're every bit as valuable as if you had a boyfriend. Whether or not you're dating someone, you have value because you're a child of God and because you're a talented, intelligent girl.
Guard your heart. This is similar to the last thing I said, but it's just as important. You are an eager, passionate, and trusting person. Those are good qualities to have but they also make you vulnerable to letting the wrong people into your life. You have to be careful who you let yourself get attached to and/or develop feelings for. And just like the Bible says, everything you do flows from your heart, so keep it pure, unblemished, and whole.
Listen to Mom and Dad, ok? I know sometimes it seems like they're trying to ruin the fun or that they don't trust you enough...but they actually do know what's best. They will help you to not make as many bad decisions.
Appreciate where you are right now. I know you're not a fan of Alaska because it's cold and dark, but someday you're going to move away and it will be a long time before you're able to come back and you're going to miss it so much. Look around at the mountains, the stars, the moose and the Fireweed, and take it all in. Be proud that you're from such a wild, fierce state.
Don't chase people you think you need in your life. If they don't make an effort to be in your life, then you don't need them. The people who do matter will stick around no matter what, even when you're super-crazy and moody, and even if you actually try to push them away. Make those people a priority - they are special! - and don't give another thought to the rest. As Bella's dad in Twilight so accurately puts it: "Learn to love what's good for you."
You are in control of your life. You have the power to make things happen or to keep them from happening. Don't do things just because it's what you think others want you to do, and don't sacrifice your own well-being just to please others. You will end up miserable if you do! You can't please everyone, and your actions are between you and God. Nobody else.
Do not dwell in the past. You're going to make bad choices and wish you could get a re-do, but that's not how it works. When you do make a mistake, just keep going. Pick yourself up, brush off the dirt, and keep going. Don't dwell on your mistakes or how much you wish you could change them. It's wasted energy. Just focus on the here and now, and what you can do better in the future. Learn from your mistakes and then leave them in the past. Forgive yourself and move on.
There are many good times and bad times ahead...and everything is going to be ok. There will be times when you don't feel like you can keep going and you can't see a way out, but you will survive. There will be things that completely crush you, but you'll recover. Focus on your blessings, your friends, and your family. Do your best to make life how you want it, and then be content with the results.
God is in control, and He wants what's best for you. Don't worry about the things you can't change, and just do your best with what you've got. I still don't have things all figured out, but I know God has a plan.
